Boy: This? This is Shop Assistants.Girl: Doesn't ring a bell.
Boy: They're from Edinburgh. They have this Ramones-meets-folk-meets-naivete thing going on. And singer Alex Taylor -- you have to love that languid vibe she gives off with her singing. The band's first single was released on Stephen Pastel's 53rd & 3rd Records back in 1985. One year later they had a song on the C86 compilation and released their only album. They essentially broke up the following year.
Girl: Funny you mention that . . . The other night in bed I recalled every day of our relationship and when I added them all up, I came to the realization that the bad ones outnumber the good.
Boy: Let's focus on those good days. I would play with your braids and write foolish letters to you in red ink, and smell the dander you left all over my parents' couch. I would lie in a tender stupor, and relive all the kisses and touches we had exchanged that day. I would memorize our conversations, and grow angry when I missed an emphasized word or inflection. I would eagerly anticipate the next moment fortune would bring us. I made accommodations to my life so that it would dovetail yours. I craved everything about you.Girl: That's all gone now. There's no longer any phenylethylamine in our relationship. Can't you see that? No chemicals, no increasing pulse rates, no increasing energy levels, no happy and dreamy feelings.
Boy: "All lovers young, all lovers must -- consign to thee and come to dust." You believed that too, once.
Girl: Listen: We were beautiful. Today, there is dissonance. Tomorrow there will be nothing.
Boy: Don't go yet. At least wait until the song is finished.
Girl: I have to say good-bye now.
Boy: I really can't imagine there being a more perfect break-up song.
Girl departs.
Boy: "All lovers young, all lovers must . . ."
Hear it for yourself. Download: "I Don't Want To Be Friends With You" by Shop Assistants.
